Unfortunately, many couples enter into marriage with a piggy
bank mentality; it will all work out, and they do not form a structure for
their finances. The piggy bank is their only form of saving. Even marriages
with twenty years under their belt squeak by through life with the piggy bank
mentality, living paycheck to paycheck, and have little hope for change.
It would be best to approach the subject of finance when
both spouses have a fresh mind. For
example early in the day after they have showered had breakfast and have prepared for the day. Try to pick a time when
other stress issues are not occurring if possible. Although financial issues generally add
stress to just about every aspect of marriage.
The couples must conduct themselves in a calm manner and if this is not
possible they should seek a mediator.
Normally couples will exhibit a bit more of self control if another
party is there but not always. There are
times when couples are looking for allies, someone to side with them.
Knowledge of each other’s temperaments can also be of great
value. A simple profile can be taken
such as the Arno Profile System that will bring clarity to the temperament of
each spouse. This can bring revelation
as to why an individual has the spending habits they do. One may be a spender and the other a saver or
they may both be spenders and this gives way for a more difficult resolution
when it comes to finance but at least you are aware of it.
Endeavoring to resolve issues
can be like the clashing of two cymbals together that are out of sync with the
music. When cymbals are brought together at the appropriate time during a
concert, they add a beautiful climax to the symphony being played; however,
clash them at the wrong moment, and it can destroy the symphony. We have heard
it said “it’s all in the timing,” and this is true when it comes to resolving
conflict.
Many facets come
into play when resolving conflict. Mastering two of the greatest principles of
our faith will enable us not only to resolve conflict but also allow us to live
in harmony. Repentance and forgiveness are paramount in our life if we want to
be able to resolve conflict and establish good communication skills. Without
repentance and forgiveness, there will be no lasting resolution to issues
couples may face.
Before coming together we suggest each individual spend time
seeking the Lord allowing the Holy Spirit to reveal and examine the intents of
their heart in regards to money. I
assure you if you sincerely ask the Lord to give you revelation in this area He
will.
“Godly sorrow brings
repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow
brings death” (2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV). As an individual or couple, coming
clean or repenting of any un-confessed sin will help set the stage for lasting resolution
to conflicts and create harmony in living.
Forgiveness is the next
attribute we must examine thoroughly in our individual lives as well as our
couple lives to be able to establish healthy conflict resolution, which has
lasting effects. “To forgive is to set the prisoner free, then discover the
prisoner was you” (Author unknown). A careful study of Matthew 18 will bring a
greater awareness of the importance our Lord places on forgiveness. Please bear
in mind this parable is about unforgiveness. The scriptures written prior to
and after the parable deal directly with unforgiveness and its implications.
Once each individual has
sought the Lord and come clean before Him they will be better equipped to work
together as one for a permanent resolution to finance. Hidden or unconfessed sin and unforgiveness
can block us from the blessings of the Lord even if we are committed
tithers.
Each person must be willing to
take responsibility for their own failure in regards to finance and come to an
agreeable plan that will set in motion success.
·
List
all debt
·
List
all monthly expense
·
List
all monthly income
Take
a step of faith and commit to the tithe (the whole 10%). Tithing is covenant; a covenant is a
permanent arrangement of a promise by God and an obligation of terms to be
fulfilled by His people. His people fulfill their part willingly and benefit
greatly by God’s promise, which is always for their good. Throughout Scripture,
these covenants have been declared by God. The word covenant occurs two hundred and eighty times in the Bible. The
blessing for obedience and the curse for disobedience has been established by
God if we obey or disobey. In Scripture, God has declared He is bound by His
Word: “My covenant I will not break, nor alter the word that has gone out
of My lips” (Psalm 89:34, NKJV). The CEV says, “I won’t break my agreement
or go back on my word.” In Isaiah 40:8 (NKJV) we are reminded, “The grass
withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever.” When it
comes to finance and marriage, you have heard it before, but we must state it
again. There is a covenant that God has mandated; when we as couples fulfill
our part, we are guaranteed God will honor His Word to us. The principle of the
tithe cannot be understated. If you want the financial aspect of your marriage
to go well, you must adhere to the tithe. As a believer, the best financial
plan set in place without the tithe will not allow God’s best to be fulfilled
in your marriage and family.
Study the following scripture in reference to the tithe:
For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O
children of Jacob, are not consumed. From the days of your fathers you
have turned aside from my statutes and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you, says the Lord of
hosts. But you say, “How shall we return?” Will man rob God? Yet you are robbing me. But you say,
“How have we robbed you?” In your tithes
and contributions. You are
cursed with a curse, for you are robbing me, the whole nation of you. Bring the full tithes into the storehouse,
that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says
the Lord of hosts, if I will not
open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there
is no more need. I will rebuke the devourer for you, so that it will not
destroy the fruits of your soil, and your vine in the field shall not fail to
bear, says the Lord of hosts. Then all nations will call you
blessed, for you will be a land of delight, says the Lord of hosts.
Malachi 3:6-12 (ESV)
Both spouses must be willing
to compromise and give up something in order to bring balance to this area of
finance. There can be no hidden secrets;
you both must be an open book. Choose a
spending limit that both of you agree to that you will abide by. For example if you are going to spend more
than $35.00 on something that is not already in the budget you will call your
spouse and seek agreement on the
expenditure. Normally sleeping on
something for 48 hours will curve any unnecessary spending because the urge
will have dissipated by then.
Drastic measures may need to
be taken such as not carrying credit cards or debit cards in your purse or
billfold and only carrying cash. Once
your cash is depleted you will soon realize the need for self control. It amazes Dan and I where couples place their
priorities.
A good rule of thumb: Tithe 10%, save 10% and live on 80%
