Money and Relationships

Unfortunately, many couples enter into marriage with a piggy bank mentality; it will all work out, and they do not form a structure for their finances. The piggy bank is their only form of saving. Even marriages with twenty years under their belt squeak by through life with the piggy bank mentality, living paycheck to paycheck, and have little hope for change.

It would be best to approach the subject of finance when both spouses have a fresh mind.  For example early in the day after they have showered had breakfast and have prepared  for the day.  Try to pick a time when other stress issues are not occurring if possible.  Although financial issues generally add stress to just about every aspect of marriage.  The couples must conduct themselves in a calm manner and if this is not possible they should seek a mediator.  Normally couples will exhibit a bit more of self control if another party is there but not always.  There are times when couples are looking for allies, someone to side with them.

Knowledge of each other’s temperaments can also be of great value.  A simple profile can be taken such as the Arno Profile System that will bring clarity to the temperament of each spouse.  This can bring revelation as to why an individual has the spending habits they do.  One may be a spender and the other a saver or they may both be spenders and this gives way for a more difficult resolution when it comes to finance but at least you are aware of it.

Endeavoring to resolve issues can be like the clashing of two cymbals together that are out of sync with the music. When cymbals are brought together at the appropriate time during a concert, they add a beautiful climax to the symphony being played; however, clash them at the wrong moment, and it can destroy the symphony. We have heard it said “it’s all in the timing,” and this is true when it comes to resolving conflict.

Many facets come into play when resolving conflict. Mastering two of the greatest principles of our faith will enable us not only to resolve conflict but also allow us to live in harmony. Repentance and forgiveness are paramount in our life if we want to be able to resolve conflict and establish good communication skills. Without repentance and forgiveness, there will be no lasting resolution to issues couples may face.

Before coming together we suggest each individual spend time seeking the Lord allowing the Holy Spirit to reveal and examine the intents of their heart in regards to money.  I assure you if you sincerely ask the Lord to give you revelation in this area He will.

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death” (2 Corinthians 7:10, NIV). As an individual or couple, coming clean or repenting of any un-confessed sin will help set the stage for lasting resolution to conflicts and create harmony in living.

Forgiveness is the next attribute we must examine thoroughly in our individual lives as well as our couple lives to be able to establish healthy conflict resolution, which has lasting effects. “To forgive is to set the prisoner free, then discover the prisoner was you” (Author unknown). A careful study of Matthew 18 will bring a greater awareness of the importance our Lord places on forgiveness. Please bear in mind this parable is about unforgiveness. The scriptures written prior to and after the parable deal directly with unforgiveness and its implications.

Once each individual has sought the Lord and come clean before Him they will be better equipped to work together as one for a permanent resolution to finance.  Hidden or unconfessed sin and unforgiveness can block us from the blessings of the Lord even if we are committed tithers. 

Each person must be willing to take responsibility for their own failure in regards to finance and come to an agreeable plan that will set in motion success.

·         List all debt

·         List all monthly expense

·         List all monthly income

Take a step of faith and commit to the tithe (the whole 10%).  Tithing is covenant; a covenant is a permanent arrangement of a promise by God and an obligation of terms to be fulfilled by His people. His people fulfill their part willingly and benefit greatly by God’s promise, which is always for their good. Throughout Scripture, these covenants have been declared by God. The word covenant occurs two hundred and eighty times in the Bible. The blessing for obedience and the curse for disobedience has been established by God if we obey or disobey. In Scripture, God has declared He is bound by His Word: “My covenant I will not break, nor alter the word that has gone out of My lips” (Psalm 89:34, NKJV). The CEV says, “I won’t break my agreement or go back on my word.” In Isaiah 40:8 (NKJV) we are reminded, “The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever.” When it comes to finance and marriage, you have heard it before, but we must state it again. There is a covenant that God has mandated; when we as couples fulfill our part, we are guaranteed God will honor His Word to us. The principle of the tithe cannot be understated. If you want the financial aspect of your marriage to go well, you must adhere to the tithe. As a believer, the best financial plan set in place without the tithe will not allow God’s best to be fulfilled in your marriage and family.

Study the following scripture in reference to the tithe:

For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed. From the days of your fathers you have turned aside from my statutes and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you, says the Lord of hosts. But you say, “How shall we return?” Will man rob God? Yet you are robbing me. But you say, “How have we robbed you?” In your tithes and contributions. You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing me, the whole nation of you. Bring the full tithes into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need. I will rebuke the devourer for you, so that it will not destroy the fruits of your soil, and your vine in the field shall not fail to bear, says the Lord of hosts. Then all nations will call you blessed, for you will be a land of delight, says the Lord of hosts.

Malachi 3:6-12 (ESV)

Both spouses must be willing to compromise and give up something in order to bring balance to this area of finance.  There can be no hidden secrets; you both must be an open book.  Choose a spending limit that both of you agree to that you will abide by.  For example if you are going to spend more than $35.00 on something that is not already in the budget you will call your spouse  and seek agreement on the expenditure.  Normally sleeping on something for 48 hours will curve any unnecessary spending because the urge will have dissipated by then. 

Drastic measures may need to be taken such as not carrying credit cards or debit cards in your purse or billfold and only carrying cash.  Once your cash is depleted you will soon realize the need for self control.  It amazes Dan and I where couples place their priorities.

A good rule of thumb:  Tithe 10%, save 10% and live on 80%