RETIRING THE BOXING GLOVES

RETIRING THE BOXING GLOVES

Have you ever felt like putting a pair of boxing gloves on and duke it out with your spouse?  I am sure we have all been there.  A truer statement would be; “duct tape their hands behind their back, duct tape their mouth shut, put on your gloves and have at it.  I certainly would not be an advocate of that type of behavior, although truth be told it has run across my mind more than once!  Why is that?

In James 4:1-3 (NKJV) it says:

Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet you do not have because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you may spend it on your pleasures.

Our human nature is very self-centered, which is why the Bible encourages us to die to self and put others first. As we grow and mature in the Lord and in years, we learn the great necessity of dying to self. Unfortunately, even the most spiritually mature person will succumb to the flesh and need to apply conflict resolution to their marriage. We all deal with anger from time to time. Some people have learned to control this emotion; others let anger control them. Anger is a secondary emotion. There is always an underlying cause. We must choose as individuals to control anger and not let it control us. Because anger is internally created, it can be internally managed. The anger often stems from an unmet expectation that was unrealistic in nature. Anger in and of itself is not sin. How we express anger determines whether or not we sin.

According to Ephesians 4:26-27 (NKJV) it says, “‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil.” Couples must make a plan on how they are going to resolve issues in a mature manner that does not break down or destroy the other person. We must make ourselves adapt a calmer lifestyle. Many times a release of anger in outburst has nothing to do with why we are really angry. We take advantage of the opportunity to let off steam usually with the one we love, even if they had nothing to do with why we are really angry. We express anger toward this person because it is convenient, instead of dealing with our emotions and searching our hearts as to why we are upset or angry.

The first step in conflict resolution is to analyze ourselves. We all have physical signs in our bodies that take place when we start to become angry. Some of the physical characteristics a person may have are: sweaty hands or face, dry mouth, tension headache, nausea, heartburn, tight jaw, confusion, red face, uncontrolled chattering, and laughing inappropriately, to name a few. Do you recognize any of these in yourself? At the first sign of your physical indictor of anger, you must call for a time out. A time out is when both individuals agree to separate for a time of self-searching and analysis of your motives. This is a time to seek the Lord. Conflict resolution will only work if both individuals agree to apply it. If one person calls a time out and the other person is following them with an avalanche of words, this is not a time out…….

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.

1 Corinthians 13:1 (NIV)

……….Endeavoring to resolve issues can be like the clashing of two cymbals together that are out of sync with the music. When cymbals are brought together at the appropriate time during a concert, they add a beautiful climax to the symphony being played; however, clash them at the wrong moment, and it can destroy the symphony. We have heard it said “it’s all in the timing,” and this is true when it comes to resolving conflict.

Many facets come into play when resolving conflict. Mastering two of the greatest principles of our faith will enable us not only to resolve conflict but also allow us to live in harmony. Repentance and forgiveness are paramount in our life if we want to be able to resolve conflict and establish good communication skills. Without repentance and forgiveness, there will be no lasting resolution to issues couples may face.

Today I encourage you to retire the boxing gloves and turn them in for; repentance, forgiveness and conflict resolution God’s way.  This blog was taken from excerpts of WE PROMISE ~ 18 Foundational Stones for an Unshakeable Marriage.  For detailed information on conflict resolution read the chapter entitled:  CLASHING CYMBALS.