BEWARE OF THE PENGUINS

The clique of the penguin is often used to portray something that appears harmless but behind the outer appeal lurks a vice of destruction.  The countershading of the penguin actually causes a camouflage effect for the penguin.  Many times the analogy of a penguin is used as “one of stealing”. 

The Vice of Pornography

Pornography is any material or visual entertainment that uses images that are alluring to stimulate sexual feeling.  These images typically are immodest or indecent. 

The addiction to pornography has escalated at an alarming rate leaving marriages devastated.  This addiction is not limited to any income bracket or education level and what used to be mainly a male issue has now infiltrated into capturing females in a vice of destruction.  Porn is taking captive younger victims each hour.  This demoralizing vice lures in people at first in a seemingly innocent way (magazine covers, commercials, pop-up ads on internet) but takes you further than one could possibly imagine. 

Porn Statistics

by TRANSPARENT MINISTRIES on Feb 16, 2011 

Shocking Statistics (Why We Do What We Do):
• Sex is the #1 thing people search for on the Internet
• There are over 420 million Pornographic Internet pages
• 12 to 17 year olds are the largest consumers of Internet pornography
• 42.7% of Internet users view pornography
• The pornography industry is larger than the revenues of the top technology companies combined: Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo!, Apple, Netflix and EarthLink
• 70% of women keep their cyber activities secret
• Women, more than men, are likely to act out their behaviors in real life, such as having multiple partners, casual sex, or affairs.
• 68 million porn search engine requests daily
• 2006 Worldwide Porn Revenues = $97.06 billion

Source: http://internet-filter-review.toptenreviews.com/internet-pornography-statistics.html

• 7 of 10 lay leaders in the church admitted to visiting adult Web sites at least once a week
• 5 out of 10 pastors said they did the same.

Source: http://www.thealabamabaptist.org/print-edition-article-detail.php?id_art=3316

• 60% of all Christian men and 30% of all Christian women are addicted to pornography.
• 60% of the women who answered the survey admitted to having significant struggles with lust;
• 40% admitted to being involved in sexual sin in the past year; and 20% of the church-going female participants struggle with looking at pornography on an ongoing basis.

Source: http://christiannews.christianet.com/1154951956.htm
It’s more than statistics
It’s people.
It’s husbands, fathers, mothers, wives.
It’s children, sons, daughters.
It’s families, friends, co-workers.
It’s churches, ministries, the body of Christ.

Statistics only tell part of the story.
Statistics represent people you know.
People struggling with sexual addiction.

• Chuck Swindoll calls it “The #1 secret problem in your church.”

• Of the 10,000 calls, emails and letters Focus on the Family receives daily, this represent their number one incoming request for help overall.

• New Man Magazine’s most frequent request from readers is to refer them to a service or ministry that can help them with their sexual temptation. “New Man readers NEED this product.” – from a New Man representative

• Oprah calls it “America’s #1 addiction.”[i]

The stats for porn are truly alarming but what can be done to protect our marriages, martial relationship and children?  We should not wait until after marriage and the ravaging effects of pornography have transpired. 

If 12-17 year olds are the largest consumers of “internet porn” by the time they marry this addiction rules their life!  They will take the devastating effects of porn into their marriage which is a set-up for failure!  You must be willing to take a stand with your pre-teen and teenagers when it comes to their access on the internet.  Safeguards are a must and this will be a “fight” with your child that is worth it.  Your child will not want to have parameters placed on them but as a parent it is your job to parent them and not be their friend.  If these unseen predators can seize your child at a young vulnerable age they have a consumer/victim for life. 

When a spouse is involved in pornography it has a devastating effect on the marriage.  The effect of this demon can be just as tragic as or more tragic than that of having an affair.  This affects every aspect of marriage.

• Broken trust
• Lies
• Finance
• Sexual dysfunction
• Job performance
• Self-gratification with little regard to the spouse or children
• Takes the person deeper into areas they never thought they would go
• Endorphins of brain are affected so what satisfied yesterday no longer brings the excitement today, so the person dives deeper into the dark pit of porn.  They become a slave to this corruption.
• Their desire is never satisfied and they may begin to lure others into this darkness of sexual perversion.  They may even try to lure their spouse into their addiction in hope to find satisfaction but it will not satisfy.  The Bible says: 
  2 Peter 2:14(NLT)
  They commit adultery with their eyes, and their desire for sin is never satisfied. They lure unstable people into sin, and they are well trained in greed. They live under God’s curse.
• It is very common for men who are addicted to pornography to become impotent and not be able to function sexually with their wife.

Normally for a turn around to occur a crisis will take place; this crisis may be the wife discovering what she already suspected via the computer or cell phone history.  It may be a financial crisis of debt due to paying for sites on the internet.  For healing to take place a third party normally needs to help this couple via counseling.  The first step would be for the man to admit his wrong doing and yes this is like adultery.  Trust must be reestablished and this may take months or even years.  Safeguards need to be put in place.  Just as an alcoholic must put permanent safeguards around themselves so also a person who is endeavoring to be set free from pornography.  The wife will need to come to a place where she can forgive her husband if this marriage is to survive.  Forgiveness and trust are two different concepts and trust must be earned while forgiveness is given freely.  Enlisting an accountability partner will be of great value for the husband and the wife will also benefit greatly from counseling as well as another woman who has been through a similar circumstance.  This may be something that the couple wants to keep very private and not bring family or friends into so a support system of professionals is a must.  Unfortunately most pastors do not have the appropriate training to handle issues of this magnitude.  Finding a professional counselor who has experience in this or can refer the couple to a solid program will be paramount.  Chances are the couple will not be able to get through this by themselves.

The following is a great resource for help in seeking help for the issue of pornography:  http://www.covenanteyes.com 

 

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[i] http://www.transparentministries.org/porn-stats/

NEW YEAR GOALS

A new year is dawning and now is the time to evaluate a year gone by; the triumphs and the failures.  Setting the pace for a new year can be challenging and rewarding as you implement resolutions that will bring forth your best year yet as a married couple.

One of the best ways to prepare for a new year is by examining how you as a couple navigated 2012.  We suggest you take a look at several areas of marriage such as:

• Resolved and Unresolved conflict:  What issues were you as a couple able to resolve even if some compromise had to take place on both of your parts?  You will know you have gained victory in this area if it no longer taunts you or comes up when other conflict arises.  You will realize it as a positive experience and the results were implemented into your daily routines and traditions. It is extremely important to reflect on your triumphs because that will help fuel you as you apply these victories to other areas where you may have failed.  Discovering the difference between a need and a want will give clarity to the issues that went by the wayside.  What were you unable to resolve as husband and wife?  Make this a top priority for your new year.  Putting it off will only cause it to grow into   a deeper issue making it more difficult to resolve as years go by.  Unresolved issues normally cause tension, fear or anger when visited or remembered.  The dominating spouse can impose unwanted expectations or wills upon the less dominating or passive spouse.  Because no resolution has occurred with this conflict open wounds still exist and instead of a union being formed a wedge has been driven into the relationship.  Chances are unrealistic expectations have clouded both of your minds and you will need to come together as a team, lower the bar to achievable goals that can be met in an acceptable timeframe.  Share the goal do not allow self-centeredness to divide you as a couple, because a house divided against itself cannot stand.  Each of you should make a list of what you think it will take to resolve conflict and achieve the goal you have set.  Come together making adjustments to both of your lists that will be conducive for success. Learning new behaviors in resolving conflicts and implementing them will take some time and practice so be willing to own up to your failures, ask for forgiveness and also be quick to forgive when you have been offended.  There is a difference between forgiving and trusting.  Forgiveness is given freely and trust must be earned. 
• Your role as the husband: How have you as the husband measured up to what God has called you to according to the Bible?  How have you led your wife and family?  How have you loved your wife?  Does your wife’s appearance reflect radiance, splendor or glory?  Have you prayed for her on a regular basis?  Have you treated her kindly and as the weaker vessel?  How have you served your wife?  How have you provided for your wife and family?  Was there a willingness to sacrifice for her, setting aside your own desires?  As you answer these questions be willing to take ownership of weak areas, repent then ask for forgiveness. Make efforts to set in place behaviors that reflect what the Lord has called you to as the husband.
• Your role as the wife:  How have you as the wife measured up to what God has called you to according to the Bible?  How have you honored and respected your husband?  Have you fulfilled his sexual needs?  How have you aided or helped your husband as he has led you and your family?  Have you guarded your appearance remaining modest and reflecting purity?  Have you created in your home an atmosphere of peace and rest for your family?   How do you keep your home?  As you answer these questions be willing to take ownership of weak areas, repent then ask for forgiveness. Make efforts to set in place behaviors that reflect what the Lord has called you to as the wife.
• Honoring and safeguarding your relationship:  What boundaries have you put around your marriage that brought honor and safety to your relationship?  Were there any areas that allowed compromise or mistrust to occur?  What can you do as individuals and as a couple to reestablish trust in areas that have become vulnerable?
• Sex and Intimacy:  There are many opinions out there on what a healthy sex life is. We believe according to Scripture we are only to abstain from sex for a time of fasting and prayer. Most people do not fast longer than three days. We are told to come together again so that Satan does not tempt us. Many people assume that it is the woman who does not hold up her end of the deal when it comes to the sexual aspect of marriage. Yes, we counsel many women who purely do not care to have sex; however, we see many women who are sexually frustrated because of their husband’s lack of sexual interest.  1 Corinthians 7:2-5 (NKJV) says;  Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  How is your sex life?  Are there issues that you need to resolve?  What can ensure greater sexual fulfillment and intimacy in your marriage?

·         Were your financial goals achieved? Some yes, some no.  There is a covenant that God has mandated; when we as couples fulfill our part, we are guaranteed God will honor His Word to us. The principle of the tithe cannot be understated. If you want the financial aspect of your marriage to go well, you must adhere to the tithe. As a believer, the best financial plan set in place without the tithe will not allow God’s best to be fulfilled in your marriage and family.  Together determine to honor the Lord with your tithe.  We guarantee the Lord will not fail you because He always honors His Word.  Malachi 3:6-12 (ESV) says; For I the Lord do not change; therefore you, O children of Jacob, are not consumed. From the days of your fathers you have turned aside from my statutes and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you, says the Lord of hosts. But you say, “How shall we return?” Will man rob God? Yet you are robbing me. But you say, “How have we robbed you?” In your tithes and contributions. You are cursed with a curse, for you are robbing me, the whole nation of you. Bring the full tithes into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. And thereby put me to the test, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open the windows of heaven for you and pour down for you a blessing until there is no more need. I will rebuke the devourer for you, so that it will not destroy the fruits of your soil, and your vine in the field shall not fail to bear, says the Lord of hosts. Then all nations will call you blessed, for you will be a land of delight, says the Lord of hosts.

• How have you served the Lord together?  We always encourage couples to find a way to serve the Lord together in their local church or another ministry. This does not have to entail hours each week. It could be one hour a week or two to three hours a month. Serving together brings couples closer and creates a more intimate relationship with one another as well as with the Lord. When considering how or what you will do, we encourage you to take into consideration each other’s temperaments. If one person is outgoing but the other is not, you must find something that suits you both well. For instance, say one person is outgoing and the other is not. You could serve at your church’s coffee shop. The outgoing person could take the order; the introverted person could make the coffee. The point is you’re together doing something for the Lord. If that is not spiritual enough for you, try hosting a small group. The outgoing person could lead the study; the introverted person could make food or prepare the music. I think you get the general idea. Discovering how you would like to serve as a couple could be a fun date night, granting much conversation. You may have to try a few things and see what fits well for you. Examine what you are passionate about individually and as a couple when it comes to serving. Remember, we all go through seasons of life, and serving in ministry will change with your seasons as a family.
• Taking time to have fun.  All work and no play will make for a very mundane marriage and family.  Are you still dating?  Do you flirt with one another?  Do you make it a point to involve yourself in the interests of your spouse?  Think back to what your most memorable moments were as a couple and as a family.  What brings a smile to your face?  What causes you to laugh again as if it happened yesterday?  What did you really want to do but were not able to or just did not make time for?  This is the year to jump in and delight in one another.  Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, its jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame.  Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth, his offer would be utterly scorned.  Song of Solomon 8:6-7 (NLT) - His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that” Ephesians 5:2 (MSG)